my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
