Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
