I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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