im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
