I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
