U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
