She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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