No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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