Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
