I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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