so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
