The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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