I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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