I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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