how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
