I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
