remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
