We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
