i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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