I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
