I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
