Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
