It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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