Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
