THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
