I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
