He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
