My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
