I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
