I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
