didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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