i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
