btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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