My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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