And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
