Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
