i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
