Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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