i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
