3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
