Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
