ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
