Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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