shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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