i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
