i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
