I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
