I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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