Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
