do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
