I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
