I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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