Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
