yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
