What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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