Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
